I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
