dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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