I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
