A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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