I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
