glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
