He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
