The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm going to jail i love you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize