I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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