I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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