i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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