oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
