His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
