I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
