hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
