standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
