did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
