dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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