If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
