i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
