i don't plan on having that self control this summer
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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