my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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