Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
