you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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