my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
