I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
