Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
