An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
