so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
