i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize