my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
