it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
