After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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