I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
