Im at strip club and am horny
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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