The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
