as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
