What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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