im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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