apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
