did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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