Betty ford says i'm here all night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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