My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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