I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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