I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
