piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
