Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
