you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she peed on how many people?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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