Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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