Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
