he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
