There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
