I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
