This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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