did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
