yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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