What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
