You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
