You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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