i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
