Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
