So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
