If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
