If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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