Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
God, I missed his penis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
