If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
